Thursday, January 29, 2009

we live life, always fearing the worst. yet we never think we will be one of those people who the worst happens to.

we watch natural disasters occur on TV, devestated for the victims, but never considering we could be one

listen to the news and hear about a family killed in a car accident, and are thankful it is so far removed from us

get a message from a friend saying her boyfriend is cheating on her and are a little smug because that would never happen to you

but when something does hit close to home, it feels like every window and door has been shattered, letting an unwelcome hurrican blow through the safest place you think you have.

the only death i have experienced is grandparents. two grandpa's in 6 months. while it devestated me, and caused a family depression for a couple of years, you expect your grandparents to die. they're meant to.

and when my friends' parents started passing away from cancer, heart attacks and car accidents, i held their hands and cried with them, but it never pierced my heart to the point of paralysis.

however today i face the reality that death brings when it hits closer to the bone. a close friend and someone i plan my children to grow up knowing well, is hit with cancer. Cancer. at 21. i know kids have it, and teenagers, and young adults. no one is really immune to it. but it still shocks. it still hurts.

we haven't spoken for a couple of months. life gets busy and our lives are seperate now. i thought she would always be there. we send heartfelt messages from time to time, built up with words of affirmation and love. it doesn't seem enough any more.

i keep seeing her in my mind, lying in intensive care, having bone marrows, blood transfussions, chemo. how did she get there?

i think of her family, a family much more than just friends to us. are they sitting by her bed, couped over in sorrow. is her little sister fearing becoming the oldest? is her gorgeous little brother afraid? her mum and dad, the most beautiful people in the world, are probably falling asleep at night, crying in each others arms.

i feel like i should do more. but there is nothing i can do. but pray.

friends are the family you chose for yourself.

may you not take a moment of your life for granted.

3 comments:

Bella@That damn expat said...

Oh I'm so sorry.

Best you can do is be there with your friend.

Again, I am so sorry.

Toivoa ja Elämän said...

just in response to the first half of your post, this is a quote that means a lot to me -

"...Every story matters, every life matters. We say that pain is real and that it deserves our attention. We say that people need other people. We would be following an awful trend if we bought into the idea that these things somehow only apply to people who live where we live, or speak the language we speak. There is distance in the borders and the barriers. Distance more with all the seas. The danger in the distance is that a great lie gets whispered. i don't hear it, but i feel it when i see the pictures on the news. The lie i'm talking about says something like this: "It's okay. This is happening far away. Those people are different. This doesn't affect you. It doesn't matter that much."

It's easy to believe that our own problems are the only problems in the world. It feels true at times. Maybe a lot of the time. But the better thing might be to believe that we are one...
'Global' is not a nice idea. Global is reality. Let's be the generation that realises this."

I hope things work out for the best for your friend, it must be very hard and I can't imagine how you must feel, but I hope all of you involved have the strength to get through this together, and I'm sure all of you do.

Laura said...

I'm so sorry - I can't imagine.