Thursday, January 29, 2009
we watch natural disasters occur on TV, devestated for the victims, but never considering we could be one
listen to the news and hear about a family killed in a car accident, and are thankful it is so far removed from us
get a message from a friend saying her boyfriend is cheating on her and are a little smug because that would never happen to you
but when something does hit close to home, it feels like every window and door has been shattered, letting an unwelcome hurrican blow through the safest place you think you have.
the only death i have experienced is grandparents. two grandpa's in 6 months. while it devestated me, and caused a family depression for a couple of years, you expect your grandparents to die. they're meant to.
and when my friends' parents started passing away from cancer, heart attacks and car accidents, i held their hands and cried with them, but it never pierced my heart to the point of paralysis.
however today i face the reality that death brings when it hits closer to the bone. a close friend and someone i plan my children to grow up knowing well, is hit with cancer. Cancer. at 21. i know kids have it, and teenagers, and young adults. no one is really immune to it. but it still shocks. it still hurts.
we haven't spoken for a couple of months. life gets busy and our lives are seperate now. i thought she would always be there. we send heartfelt messages from time to time, built up with words of affirmation and love. it doesn't seem enough any more.
i keep seeing her in my mind, lying in intensive care, having bone marrows, blood transfussions, chemo. how did she get there?
i think of her family, a family much more than just friends to us. are they sitting by her bed, couped over in sorrow. is her little sister fearing becoming the oldest? is her gorgeous little brother afraid? her mum and dad, the most beautiful people in the world, are probably falling asleep at night, crying in each others arms.
i feel like i should do more. but there is nothing i can do. but pray.
friends are the family you chose for yourself.
may you not take a moment of your life for granted.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
So here's my Totally Awkward;
3 years ago, when I was last 'falling in love' with a boy, we spent Christmas Night up on a beautiful look out. We hadn't kissed yet, and I had a feeling tonight would be The Night. Que the stars, blanket and canoodling. It was all there.
After snuggling and whispering sweet nothings for a few hours, we decided to get off the blanket, and wrap it around ourselves, (obviously we were cold, it wasn't at all a way to get even closer). As we're getting off the blanket, out pops a discrete, yet obvious, fart.
I died. I wished for the ground to open up and swallow me whole. Every bone in my body turned to glue and my face was as red as Violet's was blue in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
Being the gentleman he was, he didn't say anything and pretended he didn't notice, and we did end up having very romantic, non-farting kisses all night.
But even now, the memory sends my stomach into turmoil and I hope for the reminder to be wiped out of both our minds.
Your brokenness doesn’t define you. The person you see in the mirror, is not the person I know. You still look as good as that photo you hold in your mind, of the last time you ever felt desirable. That mistake you made? No one remembers. Your friends aren’t speaking about you when you leave them. Your family look forward to seeing you each time you return. The world has not marked you a mistake. And you have a place, a plan and a purpose. End the regret. It’s creating a worry mark on your brow. You are more loved, desired, adored and wanted then you think.
These are the words we are afraid to whisper.
What is it you’re afraid to tell that person?
Have you told your partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/mum/dad/best friend how much they mean to you? Do they know you love them?
What was the last kind sentence you spoke to someone?
Maybe today, your sitting at work, on your bed, in your living room, feeling a little worse for wear. Do you sometimes feel like throwing the towl in. starting over somewhere new? Leaving behind the people you don’t think truly love you?
Those words are meant for you.
I hope they touch the core of your heart, and you fall back into the memory and security of who you are. And what you mean in this world.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Rob and his friends jumped to their feet and yelled "F*^% You! You Suck!"
Thursday, January 22, 2009
The café where I work, employs a lady who thinks she is Princess Di the second. She tells me all about her Italian lover, in the Mediterranean, and how he flies her over to Italy first class, to sip expensive Italian wine and eat caviar. Her wrists jingle with exuberant gold, and she loves to show off sparkling rings, even while serving coffee. Which she does with a face that can only be compared to Oscar the Grouch and Naomi Campbell. In my most bubbly receptionist voice, I greet her and ask how her holiday was;
Wrinkly Princess; Oh alright. Italian Lover kept buying me designer dresses. And now I’m back in this shit hole.
Me; (Being even nicer and annoying). Oh I’m so jealous. An Italian Lover who buys designer dresses? That amazing!
Wrinkly Princess; Oh it’s so annoying. He just keeps wanting me to be the hottest girlfriend. It’s such a competition between him and his other Pilot Friends. But I get to spend a week on a yatch in Greece so I don’t complain.
Me: Well you must miss him now your back.
Wrinkly Princess: (Snarls) Well I’m stuck in the f@$* hole working and bored again. (Slumps her head on my desk) I hate it here.
Sounds to me like she hates where ever she is, and complains, even when wearing a Versace gown on a yatch. Upon leaving, I waved Bye and said ‘See you soon Wrinkly Princess’ and she raises her eye brows, roles her eyes, and groans. That is all. And when she drops her keys on the way out yells SHIT!
I’m sorry, but did she forget that she is 50?! 5.0.! Dude, that behavior is just not cool!
And to add to my ‘Women Need To Grow Up’ rant, an old lady, at least 90 comes in today, and instead of politly acquiring my attention shouts “Yooo hoooo” and starts demanding names and numbers of people who worked here 30 years ago, leaving her lovely cane sitting on the desk and peering over my shoulder while I find the information for her. RUDE!
And that is my rave about people. But mostly people are nice. I guess the Golden Rule is, you just have to be nice first.
I finally made work friends, (which only took 6 months) and we had lunch today (I finally feel like a working girl in the city). I feel to grown up sometimes. We discussed mortgages and raises and bonus’s. My non-work-friends and I talk about Gossip Girl and Fashion and boys.
I entered adult world without so much as a blink. You know some nights you wake up, and try to adjust your eyes, and figure out where you are? That is how I am feeling. I am figuring out where I am. Because I’m not a student, I don’t work full time, and I’m not an actress yet. So what am I?
Philosophically I guess I’m just existing.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Subject: Of Great Importance.
There is a matter of great concern walking up the stairs right now. Carrying a ladder. With a great tan. And bulging biceps. And an amazing jaw line. Heart-melting smile. Singlet wearing. Smelling of summer and sun screen.
I advice. No, urge you. Get off your buts, stop pretending to work (via poking me on facebook) and come have a fricken perv!!!
*Don't worry about it now. He's gone. But not without a brief flirt session and me holding the door open for him and his Big Ladder. I swear I looked like one of those girls off the Price Is Right.
I'll let you know when he comes back to ask for my number.
Hope your is less boring now.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
This is a story that gives a well rounded explanation as to why girls need to go to the bathroom in herds.
When I was still at high school, our music class went to see The Lion King the Musical. I was the only girl who went on the trip, and was hanging out with the mus-o guys, who were actually punk rockers doing music as a ‘bludge’. So naturally, I acting my coolest.
During intermission, I went to the bathroom, by myself, and quickly rushed back to ‘hang out against the wall with the boys’. I was so hot! All the old ladies seeing the Thursday matinee were totally jealous I was friends with the boys with piercings!
After a good ten minutes, and a lot of walking around, including up the stairs, I began to notice a slight breeze up my legs, up to my bum! Strange I thought, and I reached around to readjust my school skirt. And that’s when I felt it. The world froze. My skirt was stregically tucked into my undies. All the way up. The entire audience, cast, crew and the rest of Sydney, had seen my bum. My make up melted off my face as I blushed every shade of pink, red and purple and plucked out my dress, holding it down firmly, noticing a few snickers from the audience around me.
I didn’t look any one in the eye for the rest of the day, but I’m sure those boys were the slightest bit nicer to me.
Friday, January 16, 2009
The end of my pay fortnight always leaves my wallet a little worse for wear. I reflect on the deliciously fash purchases I made in the last two weeks, especially the new skin care range I needed, since my skin was majorly reacting to the heat of summer.
I have a case of forgetting that this working girl, only works part time. 4 hours every afternoon. Most people don’t really consider this work. But really, I do work hard. I promise. I have to count the mail, (today there’s 5 letters, but some days I have 1000’s), then I have to do the media reports and summaries for all our current media coverage, and send it out to our directors, board members and other VIP’s with unnecessary titles to placate their profile. That all takes about 2 hours. And in between I deal with the phone calls. Some people can be so rude. Lucky they have a receptionist like me who knows how to deal kindly with people who utter the words, do you even know who I am?
Once all that is done, I have to check my facebook, emails and blog, and read yours (thank god for the amusement you all provide!) This usually takes two hours, and in between I manage my acting and writing career, google Gossip Girl, and update myself with Perez. Work can be busy!!!
So in light of my penny-less Mimco, I have had to come up with some sure fire ways to go from feeling like a slumdog to millionaire. (PS – if you haven’t seen Slumdogmillionaire please, please, please do yourself a favour and see it!!! It deserves every award and more!)
Here are my fab pick me up’s.
1. Forget splurging on a mani in a noisy Asian nail studio, buff, polish and shine your own nails. I don’t know about you, but personally, if my nails aren’t done, they literally feel like they are aching! Don’t have time to wait for them to dry in between a busy social life? Paint a nail at a time throughout the day at work. That way, you only have to worry about one nail being wet while typing and answering phones, and you get a more relaxed finish.
2. Can’t afford to buy this months Vogue? Just jump online, check out the hot links, and window shop from your computer screen. And there's always a comp or two to enter.
3. Wash your car. I hate this job. I would much rather pay someone else to do it then have to get out the hose and suds, but driving in a clean, hot little car, blaring Britney makes you feel like a ‘cast’ member of Laguna Beach.
4. Stay in. I hear the sharp in take of shock. Instead of seeing BrideWars or He’s Just Not That In To You, wait for cheap Tuesday when it’s only $10, and spend Friday night on the couch with your favourite chick flick, red wine, thai (always a nice cheap meal) and your bestie’s. Tonight it’s Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and What Happens in Vegas.
5. If you’re a member of the gym, you’ve most likely already paid for it this month, so make the most of it. Nothing feels better then not wanting to go, making yourself, working up a sweat, and coming home feeling more energized and skinnier. I did a yoga class this morning and feel fab!
Or you could be wise with your money and stop buying Sass and Bide jeans and gladiator flats so you can afford to go out and pamper yourself. Either way, I hope this weekend is exiting and adventurous!!!
Do you have more ideas on how to indulge yourself and spend less?
Thursday, January 15, 2009
I had an OMG moment today. I went to the Gallery this morning to see an exhibition by my favourite artist, Monet. I studied him all through high school, and dream of walking through his garden. He is seriously a genius! I reckon if I lived 150 years ago, I'd have a massive crush on him and his big beard. So anyway, I'm walking through the crowds of other Culture-Vultures, admiring the works of the Impressionist painters, and there, smack dab on the far wall is the White Water Lillies. I studied this in year 10 and dreamed of walking across the bridge. (My art trip to Paris was cancelled in 2002 by my school for fear of terrorist! so I never saw it). But standing in front it today, forgetting about all the other people around me, even the pain in the assAsians pushing their way through, I had to catch my breath, and stop an embarrassing tear. It was a moment, where you understand the beauty and importance of art.
That's all biatches.
Love you, mean it, later.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
1. Going into the dirty, over crowded staff kitchen, desperately needing a green tea to accompany my caramel kiss, and getting the last tea bag. It was like it was sitting there waiting for moi.
2. Finally making friends with the girls my age. We now have regular afternoon gos sess. ‘round my desk.
3. Getting compliments on my hair. That only took 5 minutes this morning.
4. It still being sunny and hot outside.
5. Thinking about going for a swim in my fav pool on the harbor. (I’m too scared to swim in the ocean after a series of shark attacks. It’s Jaws 5 here in Oz. Great whites are up 80% leaving me swimming only in the safety of an enclosed 4 walls).
6. Applying my new Elizabeth Arden lipgloss at 30 minute intervals.
7. The phone not ringing for 20 minutes.
8. Not doing any work.
9. Reading fun blogs.
10. Booking my hair extensions next week. I’m totally going to be the Australian Blake Lively!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
These are the issues I worry about in the heat of summer, rushing back from a glorious lunch with the Acting Girls.
As usual, our conversation centred around the perils and adversity of dating in Sydney. A city of 6 million, in which I estimate 1.5 are men in their twenty-somethings. And yet, we are all still single.
Kate-Hudson-look-alike and Femme-Fatal-Wanna-Be and myself, a self confessed Wanna-Be-Hollywood-Starlet.
I'm really not sure what there will be left to talk about when we are eventually in relationships.
Kate-Hudson is sleeping with the same guy as four years ago when she was 20, although he is still with his live-in girlfriend. She is chasing a CK underwear model, (who is the hottest guy I literally have ever seen), and I wish I had the guts to tell her, he's just not that into you. And so each acting class and party and function and casting, where he is, she makes a complete and utter fool of herself. A stray cat has more of a chance of getting in CK's pants than she does unfortunately.
Femme-Fatal is gorgeous, just struggling, like all of us, in the dating arena. She has never had a boyfriend and is a walking monument to Man's stupidity. She recently asked out Body Builder from class via text, after 6 months of intense flirting and prolonged kissing scenes. He said he'd love too. But when she suggested dinner and a movie his response was I don't think my girlfriend would be to happy with that. Ah, you kidding me? WTF!
And then there's me. We already know the story. I can't get a break. BM has laid off the stalking, and I'm enjoying the break from avoiding phone calls, incessant texts, and church stalkings.
I watched these friends, who I was so dubious of in the beginning, so pleased to have found such delight in the darkness of a city crowded by the illusion of happiness and friendship. Sometimes the greatest friendships arise out of the least likely places.
More than once in the past month, have I been thankful for the guidance of Carrie Bradshaw and the ladies of Manhattan. They taught us how to date, who not to date, and that being single can be fabulous.